This journal has officially become friends only. I didn't want to do this but I guess i always knew it would one day be needed.

Leave a comment if you wish to be added.

Really, I hate falling in love with fictional people....or vampires as it were

Ponyboy, Holden, and now Edward. Legolas doesn't count cause that was about Orlando Bloom, but Terry from On The Waterfront definitely counts...

It would never work anyway, they are all younger than me :-/

After reading Twilight for five hours straight so I could move onto New Moon asap, I decided to look at the details of the Twilight movie, which comes out on December 12th.

Cedric Diggory is playing Edward, which is perfect, he looks just like him in the trailer....I think he even has Edward's mannerisms down.

But who is playing Bella?!

The annoying lil pipsqueak who played the main character in Speak, aka a Lifetime movie didn't do the book justice but somehow managed to make the character of Melinda even less likable.

Sure she looks the way I imagined Bella to look, but the fact is she still played Melinda and bah, I'm disappointed.

However, I think I'm more disappointed with the way Edward's family was cast. Rosalie and Esme were horribly miscast, so i hope the actresses manage not to ruin the movie; I'd prefer to be excited about New Moon and Eclipse when they are movies as well.

THE UNIVERSE HATES ME

I finally found the perfect words, the necessary words, to bring complete and total closure for the time being, AND THE MOTHER FUCKER KNOWN AS FACEBOOK ERASED IT ALL! IT DIDN'T EVEN SEND!! WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!

You can't wring and wretch your heart for the perfect words and then have them erased....those words aren't coming back and the closure that could have come with them is gone now too.

I need to sleep, I am so upset right now that I am eerily calm, if only it were to last...

The dry, sweltering heat has caused me to wonder.

This heat, this moisture sucking, death delivering heat. How many immigrants have walked, taking nothing and risking everything, through this heat to make a life? How many of them were robbed of the life they would have made? How many turned their prayers to the US when God's ears went deaf?

Did He stop being their judge when they made the desert their dealer in this game of life? If the desert be a judge, then surely it is not a fair one. What kind of person bets their life when the payout is little better than barely getting through? A strong person, a person willing to risk it, if only for it to mean a better life for their family.

All that hard work, strength and courage for them only to be called leeches in the end.

Sure their are bad apples in every bunch. Sure illegal is illegal. But the chance they took, the heat they faced, and we think we have the right to complain, to judge.

No. Thinking you have the right by being born, by winning a location lottery, is to be without good judgment. I thought that way for awhile; and what an awful person I must have been.

We are all citizens of the world, dividing up by trying to claim certain things belong to us when they only belong to the Earth....we draw borders that don't exist and become possessive when it's not our right. Humans, meant to take care of Mother Earth and be in this together, can barely take care of themselves. Oh, if the Earth were to judge us all! What a shock that would be!

And this heat. This dry, sweltering heat. Maybe some of us are judged correctly after all.

I am going straight to hell.

No no, I really am.

And the more I think about it, the more I believe I must have been a hooker during the Great Depression, take that however you want.

Oh well, maybe if I'm cooking on the Devil's BBQ I won't have to worry about coming back.

And I do enjoy nice, hot meat.

.....

Yeah I'm going straight to hell.

I've said it before, I'll say it again: I love Japanese game shows!

This summer, ABC is supposed to premiere WIPEOUT and I SURVIVED A JAPANESE GAME SHOW, but so far the previews have only shown games of physical challenge (i.e. human Tetris, running weird obstacle courses). These challenges are the only fair ones. The rest, based on Japanese standards, aren't really challenges so much as they are games of luck....games of luck where no one wins, but everyone tries not to get fucked over (i.e. the above video).

I'd like to see the American version of the game above, but I get the feeling it won't happen :(

You know, when all is said and done, I really enjoy my job. I still don't think I'm meant to be a full time teacher, not yet anyway, but I do love my job.

For some reason, it is starting to seem like continuing with subbing, going to Chaffey and doing the volunteer work is not enough....but I guess we will see, I am glad with the choice and hope it gives me time to complete all the apps I want.

Damn that movie depresses the hell out of me; I often wonder how many people in prison actually are innocent.

And, seeing as how the last time I saw this movie I was a Christian, I now wonder what will happen to me if there is indeed a God and I will indeed have a judgement day. What will I tell him when he asks why did I turn away from religion? Will I tell him the truth and hope he understands? Then again, God and religion are different things, and I haven't quite made up my mind about God yet (and no, this movie did not prompt me to say that, it just reminded me)

Sometimes you have to ask yourself if what you're getting is enough. Sometimes you have to ask yourself if it was worth it.

Quite a few people who met me post college wonder why I was in a sorority, and people who know me before/during sometimes asked why I stayed. I realized while I was in the sorority that I was never meant for one, because despite how much I upheld/admired/respected the house's morals/values, the members betrayed them so many times that I knew morals weren't why they joined. It wasn't right for me, and there were so many things about it that I just didn't like. Sure, freshman year was good, but everything is good when it's new.

So why did I stay, and would I do it over again?

I stayed because of five people I would not know otherwise, and because of them, I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat.

Meeting them was enough, being close (and staying close!) with them was just an extreme bonus. Whenever I got pissed off about certain things, or even if I still do, I realize what I would have missed out on, without them. Because of them, it was all more than well worth it.